Just fucking wow. This is the funniest motherfucking wastoid rich-dude shit I’ve ever listened to thru the tubes. Thanks, Government Name Sean Combs! Now give the merry-go-round back to your girlfirend’s daughter…you’re too big to be playing on it and you’re gonna break it.

Via Hot Air…

Ace feels very strongly about the feasibility and veracity of The Head Cocksuck of The Atlantic. And he’s a 10000X funnier writer than me.

Shun. Shun. Shun. Shun the whole stinking rag.

Sorry for ripping off the great Velociman, but I think it’s the right time. You know what a not-insignificant part of my anger is? It’s watching what was formerly the only readable magazine in America, gurgling at the bottom of a septic tank, drowning under a 10 foot deep pile of shit. As a reader, that burns me up. Piss on ‘em, though. Shun them.

Curmudgeonly Dudgeon III § Unqualified Offerings

I love Pat Buchanan as a commentator

Yeah, that Pat Buchanan. Yeah, that Jim Henley.

I guess he could have meant it as “I love watching monkeys pedalling across the high wire” love, but Buchanan is not a monkey (ed: fact check this assertion), and MSNBC is not a low-rent Shriner high-wire em(ed: STFU). Well, OK, MSNBC is pretty much that, but someone’s throwing a lot more money at them than they are the Shriners, who help out people who have been burned.

You know why I am so crazy about Sarah Palin? She reminds me of so many women that I’ve known over the hundred-some years I’ve strode this earth — my mama, both of my grandmothers, old girlfriends, all of my ex-wives, my nieces, new girlfriends, my stepdaughter, and most of all, my sainted Mini-Me daughter. Not a single one did not grab by the bull by the horns and get on down to nut-cutting time. Many horns were grabbed, and many nuts got cut. And I don’t even mean that in a way that might make nancies men cringe if they’re of a different breed from us Texans…I guess you gotta actually go through nut-cutting time to know in your heart what I mean, but I’m trying to get the concept across to you here, so listen up, fools. It’s as simple as TCB, or ABC.

I’ll let you in on another little secret — John McCain does not do 1/100th for me that Palin does. Hell, I might even register to vote, and if I do, it’s gonna be for her, not Mac. My admiration for the man is pretty high, but I think he’s going to be a shitty president, if he gets there. No, my long-term hope is that my grandkids will have a Sarah Palin as an example of Presidential timber. The bottom line is that it worked out pretty damn well for Teddy Roosevelt, and I pray with all my heart that there’s still a little bit of Teddy in all of us.

OK, then — got NASCAR to watch. Talk amongst yourselves.

Yeah, me, too. I subscribed back then.

Now, though, their bought-and-paid-for blogger raises, and therefore legitimizes, the heinously disgusting beauty-shop rumor I mentioned earlier.

That faggot should never get another link from anybody besides his ass-licking compadres. Shun him, please, in the name of humankind.

Yes, I know in my heart that I’m virtually pissing in the wind here. Doesn’t matter to me. If he shows his face in the vicinity of me, he better be ready to defend his decision to post unsubstantiated swamp-feverish horseshit. I don’t want to hear no crap about “I was offline for two days.” We know he won’t, though — he’ll stick around the mansion until the election’s over.

Hit-mongering sonofabitch is just like the RandomTown Ledger-Daily Wipe. All they care about is eyeballs. This web thing sure worked out well, didn’t it? Look, all we can do is shun them. That’s it. Echo-chamber? Yeah, probably. I don’t like that, but there ya go. The Faggot is what I get in it’s place, and I really don’t care to spend what’s left of my precious life dealing with that kind of faggotry.

The unapologetic probably-still-high-on-peyote Maureen Dowd:

Instead of going home and watching “Miss Congeniality” with Sandra Bullock, I get to stay here and watch “Miss Congeniality” with Sarah Palin.
[...]
Enthusiastic Republicans don’t see the choice of Palin as affirmative action, despite her thin résumé and gaping absence of foreign policy knowledge, because they expect Republicans to put an underqualified “babe,” as Rush Limbaugh calls her, on the ticket.
[...]
Obama may have been president of The Harvard Law Review, but Palin graduated from the University of Idaho with a minor in poli-sci and worked briefly as a TV sports reporter.
[...]
(Why do men only pick women as running mates when they need a Hail Mary pass? It’s a little insulting.)
[...]
This chick flick, naturally, features a wild stroke of fate, when the two-year governor of an oversized igloo becomes commander in chief after the president-elect chokes on a pretzel on day one.
[...]
The movie ends with the former beauty queen shaking out her pinned-up hair, taking off her glasses, slipping on ruby red peep-toe platform heels that reveal a pink French-style pedicure, and facing down Vladimir Putin in an island in the Bering Strait.
[...]
“Now that Georgia’s safe, how ’bout I cook you up some caribou hot dogs and moose stew for dinner, babe?”

Someone who gives a shit about the effect the Dowd and the NYT has on the general electorate could have some fun with this uninformed, half-baked, Oprah-esque horseshit. For example, I seem to recall a book or magazine article (pretty much the same these days) from Senorita Dowd that featured some lizard or leopard or leonine pumps and her quest for a Real Man. I think.

But NB to Ta-Na-Is-Hi Ben Coates — it didn’t take 12 hours for the mooseburger jokes to fly, and it was, quite unsurprisingly, one of your guild. Who, while seemingly hot, can, really, please, keep her shirt on. How nice is that? As I said, we all know you’re laughing at us, and really, we don’t care. We know who feeds you, who clothes you, who puts the gas in the tank, who put the roof over your head. It wasn’t Maureen Dowd.

Political Radar: Ex-Dem Chair Apologizes for Hurricane Remark

“One doesn’t anticipate that one’s private conversation will be surreptitiously taped by some right-wing nutcase,” said Fowler. “But that’s the nature of what we’re dealing with.”

Fowler, a superdelegate who endorsed Hillary Clinton in 2007, was caught on tape saying: “The hurricane’s going to hit New Orleans about the time they start. The timing is — at least it appears now that it’ll be there Monday. That just demonstrates that God’s on our side. [Laughter] Everything’s cool.”

“One doesn’t anticipate” means “I’m a douchebag and I got caught.” “Surreptitiously” means “in the seat behind me.” “The nature of what we’re dealing with” means — I don’t know, I’m guessing here — “I’m a douchebag talking to an elected douchebag, making a big hah-hah-funny-nudge-nudge-wink-wink.” Twat. Tweezer-brain. Loser. Michael Moore, Jr. I wish I could remember the name of that other twat who cheered for hurricanes — wrote for Vanity Fair, first name of James, went off the web and into a chemical soup of anti-depressives when W was elected in 2004. Has some pedigreed cats. That douchebag cheered for hurricanes, too.

Have no doubt, my conservative friends — there are just as many of these over-degreed douchebags in the Republican Party, and I hope there are left-wing nutcases following them around, recording their jokes about acts of God that cause loss of life and massive property damage, and posting them to YouTube.

In the meantime, take your apology, Fowler, old budyy, old pal, fold it sideways, and stuff it up your butt, you useless, classless, soulless twat.

In the meantime, I’ll repeat — stay classy, Marxists. Nice company you’re keeping there.

Me, too…I had a subscription then.

Ta-Nehisi Coates (August 31, 2008) - Elitism Bait

The entire Sarah Palin pick comes down to one thing–the hope that George Clooney, Scarlett Johansson, or (God forbid) Will.I.Am. will make a joke about moose-burgers. At that point, the McCain campaign will cut an ad which says They’re laughing at you. Vote for McCain and you can show the world. You can show them all! Of course said ad will never appear on television but will be screened only for the media–who will then do their job and turn the cable news into giant echo chamber in which the “Real Americans” yell They’re all gonna laugh at you! They’re all gonna laugh at you! Welcome to Victimology 101–the White Working Class Edition.

You’d take this as a jokey Sunday morning thing, until you get to the last quoted line. Just like Dobson below, I don’t know anybody who cares what Clooney or Johansson says. Unless it’s “Would you like to run away together? I’m buying if you’re flying.” Nobody but pinhead journalists grants them any more legitimacy than they’ve earned as trained poodles, which is not one hell of a lot in the real world.

Besides, we know they’re laughing at us already. Nobody really cares, so long as they continue to take their shirt off for us. Scarlett is my preference. YMMV.

Now, what the hell is a Will.I.Am? Gotta be an artist. That’s just too twee for anything else.

I’m pretty sure that’s a Mustang.

…and stare at it with wonder.

Sarah Palin and children conceived out of wedlock - an uncomfortable question needs to be posed

1. Sarah Palin’s first son, Track Palin, was born in April 1989 (we don’t have the exact day). Actually now we do, courtesy of FOX News’ Alan Colmes. He was born on April 20. For the purposes of this analysis, we will give Sarah Palin the benefit of the doubt and assume that her son was born on April 30, 1989, the longest possible April date from her marriage.

2. Sarah Palin was married on August 29, 1988. She eloped.

3. 38 weeks is the typical human pregnancy.

4. 38 weeks before her son’s birthday, April 20, 1989, is July 28, 1988 - i.e., that would be the hypothetical day of conception.

5. If this data is correct, that would mean that Sarah Palin eloped four weeks after her son’s conception.

6. Sarah Palin’s son could still be legitimate if he was born four weeks premature, AND if he was conceived on the night his parents eloped.

Yeah, and guess what? Same thing happened to me.

These twats aren’t uncomfortable with anything they’re typing into the internets. This is a whole-grain tofu turkey dinner with all the organic-local trimmings, and they’re quivering with delight over their pregnancy calculator. But it only works as long as you buy their hook that James Dobson is some kind of Grand Vizier who manages all conservative brain waves, which I think they might actually believe (remember — tweezer-brains.) NB: he doesn’t. James Dobson doesn’t mean a hill of beans to me or anyone else I know.

Yeah, they’re running truly scared. You might go and find some of the other HUA speculative bullshit the derangeoids are throwing around about her kids. I won’t link it — it’s heinously disgusting. But it’s a good indicator, another data point, on the thought-processes of our pals across the aisle.

As always — stay classy, Marxists.

There’s a knee-slapper in there, too, about this Dobson character: apparently, he was given (bought? was paid for?) space in a magazine to do some preaching about out-of-wedlock births or some such silly horseshit, which I guess really ruffles the feathers of the tweezer-brains. The magazine was, um, Time. You might remember that magazine from your last visit to the doctor’s office or to get your oil changed - it was is a weekly roundup of all the news. I’m as surprised as anyone to hear they still sell it. Whodathunk you can make a living selling week-old news?

The Weekly Standard

As I sifted through their emotions and the intensity of their reaction it hit me that they were responding to “the real thing.” The power of Palin is that she is so out of the establishment, and so out of the talking-heads, inside-the –Beltway-elite mindset, that the 80 per cent of Americans who believe we are on the wrong track suddenly can identify with someone who isn’t part of what got us on that track.

Yes.

And that’s the twice- (or is it thrice- ; help me out here, Tom, you’re the Newt scholar) -divorced Newt Gingrich talking about authenticity. Something that the super-majority of Americans respond to. And, as a helper to Newt and other talking-head inside-the-Beltway-elites, it’s not purely emotional. You can crack on with that derogatory BS all day long, and we’re not going to listen to your or vice-presidential scholars We’re going to look at what people have done, not what others think about what they think she (or anybody) thinks. What they’ve done. Runs a business, raises a family, worked her way up the ladder without caring about the way it’s always been done, negotiated better deals with her state’s major industries for the citizens who elected her, quit in protest over corruption, hunts & eats what she kills, fired the state’s executive chef and sold the executive jet on eBay.

You know what saddens me a little bit, though? As a nation, we had to go to Alaska to find someone that authentic. The whole nation is awash in people like that. We’re fortunate that 99.99% of those people are out there taking care of business instead of dicking with politics. And I guess we should be thankful for that 0.01% who will go dick with politics, or it would be McBamiden all the fookin’ time.

What makes me deliriously happy, though? And this just hit me: SHE’S. NOT. A. LAWYER. More on this later, maybe, but I’ve gotta go mow the yard. Mowing in August — that’s an asswhip of the 1st degree — the lawn is supposed to be brown and dead and crackling, but no, we’ve had rain out the wazoo and relatively decent temps (high 90s) so it’s growing like a damn hayfield. OK, then…rattle, rattle, rattle…that’s me, just typing away.

Scholars question Palin credentials - Fred Barbash and David Mark - Politico.com

Presidential scholars say she appears to be the least experienced, least credentialed person to join a major-party ticket in the modern era.

So unconventional was McCain’s choice that it left students of the presidency literally “stunned,” in the words of Joel Goldstein, a St. Louis University law professor and scholar of the vice presidency. “Being governor of a small state for less than two years is not consistent with the normal criteria for determining who’s of presidential caliber,” said Goldstein.

This is an excellent sign that the choice is correct — dipshit poli-sci dorks, ’students of the presidency’ no less, are stunned. I really like how all the elitism is oozing out of the tranzis, too — ’small state’??? Go piss up a rope, you blockheads…take a lint roller to your mortarboard or something. Dust off the diplomas on the wall, for the next visit from a moron journalist. Maybe look at a map, if you can find one.

Oh, a thought occurs — if the vice-presidency is, in the parlance of the times, ‘a bucket of warm spit’ — well, tell me what it means to be a scholar of the vice-presidency. Do you have to wait for a scholar of the presidency to die before you get to do something besides attend funerals of big donors?

FunctionalAmbivalent: Because the Way You Get Your Relationship With the Washington Media Off to a Really Good Start Is To Lie To Them, Right Off the Bat

Mass media careers are made chasing down dirt, and you know every reporter in the world understands that knocking a V.P. candidate out of the box can mean the difference between a career of page three bylines in Des Moines and a permanent seat next to David Gergen on CNN’s election night panel of experts.

Let me see if I can think of a couple of incidents in the news recently where “every reporter in the world” failed utterly to do what Tom is suggesting they do, ever & always. A guy whose name rhymes with Kohn Kedwards — that really got the mass media moving, looking for that seat next to Gergen, huh? How about a guy whose name rhymes with Jill Jayers? The dirt’s sure been flying over that one, right?

Spare us, Tommy, old bean. We can see who the mass media is in the bag for, and that’s why there are hundreds of them flying to Alaska right now. Meanwhile, the LA Times officially muzzles their ever-alert attack dogs to help out Kohn, and the Messiah bluffs and bullies his way through Jayers with a wink and a nod from your Gergen-wannabe pals in the guild.

In this previously dull-as-watching-paint-dry election battle between Maverick and the Messiah, the Washington Post has decided to light a fire under someone’s ass by asking the Question On Everyone’s Mind: Who Killed Chandra Levy?

I guess this could have been hanging around on their website for months, but I think I might have noticed it before now, since I read their crap pretty much daily. There is no publication date on the front page that I can see.

Their conclusion, by the way? Ummm…not real sure, maybe this Salvadoran dude? Good work, guys — now go write your true-crime airport book. You’ve done us all a real service.

Digression: are they envious of that screechy Greta Van Sssssomething woman? Bucking for a teevee gig?

…the more I like the Palin pick. When gas prices jumped, she gave Alaska’s increased gas tax monies back. To the citizens. Gave. Back. That just plum knocks my hat in the creek.

Wanna know what would blow the doors off of Washington, DC and would push Obamiden into the obscurity richly deserved by those two bullshit-artist poli-hacks? McCain announces at the convention that he’s only going to do one term, and then hand it over to Sarah to win or lose. Be Super-Mavericky, John, old buddy.

Then, the first campaign promise she makes in 2012, she would announce she’s shuttering DC and moving the capital to Idaho or Wyoming or something. Or at least the White House. OK, that’s crazy talk. All those other ‘inexperienced’ dudes did it a couple hundred years ago…I say it’s time to do it again.