Prevailing scientific consensus holds that the existing Moon was formed when a Mars-sized planet collided with the Earth 4.5 billion years ago, when the solar system was very young.

Really? I always thought Mars was larger than Earth…I learned that many moons ago. If this scientific consensus is true, how did Earth survive? A wallet that says Bad Motherfucker? Are we really two deeply-fused planetary bodies? If so, it would sure explain a lot of the weird shit I have to deal with, like Al Gore, and people who can’t listen to their voice mail before they return a call. “Whadja want?” Well, let me explain in detail again, since I’ve got naught else to do.

That right there is a big ‘don’t-give-a-shit’ gene activator. Alert the biologists.

Mr. Beck:

Hofmeister says that we’re twelve to fifteen years away from seeing significant domestic production increases at the pump. It should not be difficult to understand that the greatest part of that lag is located in Washington, where prissy little scribblers backed with main force presume to stand in the way of men of action who would get out there and produce in exchange for our production (”division-of-labor economy”, kids) denominated in money. There is no telling how much of the cost of end products — at least half a generation away now — will have been devoted to “negotiations” and “partnerships” with these slugs: corporate legal departments living cheek by jowl with them for whole careers, accounting departments forced to count their bloated and rotten beans, not a single boot set anywhere without first referring to every sort of creep with a “mandate” and “authority” to make sure that some legislative committee hearing won’t sling his ass on an election-year whim. All of that Rube Goldberg effort has to come from somewhere, but at least it’s not a “windfall profits tax”. You’re going to pay for it, though. That’s the price of not exterminating parasites.

I really don’t want to hear any more about the high cost of gasoline, but I will, because I turn on the radio now and then to hear some tiny snippets of Texana in between Idiocracy outtakes.

And where are all those whining morons who were bitching that America wasn’t paying it’s fair share at the gas pump for the last three decades? I don’t know whether we were or not, but the whiny bastards were thick underfoot for many, many years. Don’t hear much from them anymore.

That sucked. It was like Class A vs. MLB. SUCKED. S-U-C-K-E-D. Sucked like there were 12 vs. 6.

3 accused of using corpse head to smoke pot

That lines up pretty good with all the pot-heads I know.

The Kingwood teenager’s story of decapitating a corpse and using the head to smoke marijuana was so outlandish that at first Houston Police Department senior officer Jim Adkins did not believe it.

Yet, Kevin Wade Jones Jr., 17, appeared almost indifferent as he relayed the bizarre description of his and two friends’ activities at a Humble area graveyard, Adkins said.

“I just doubted it because it’s very morbid, and I couldn’t see anybody doing something like this,” Adkins said Thursday.

Not until police went to the home of another Kingwood teen, 17-year-old Matthew Richard Gonzalez, did the officer believe the tale.

“He regurgitated in his plate of food when I asked him about it,” Adkins said. “So I knew there was some truth to the story.”

That’s my Texas, leading the charge to the gutter. Can I just die now?