It’s 11pm again, and I didn’t eat any supper. This is happening much too regularly. I’m going to grow into this chair like that crazy woman did to her toilet seat in Kansas, except I’m up and down peeing, being an old man and all. If only all you people would stop putting interesting stuff in the internet tubes.

Ach…a nice brisket sandwich with Miracle Whip will do the job.

Turner: Global Warming Will Cause Mass Cannibalism, Insurgents Are Patriots | NewsBusters.org

Interviewed Tuesday for Charlie Rose’s PBS show, CNN founder Ted Turner argued that inaction on global warming “will be catastrophic” and those who don’t die “will be cannibals.” He also applied moral equivalence in describing Iraqi insurgents as “patriots” who simply “don’t like us because we’ve invaded their country” and so “if the Iraqis were in Washington, D.C., we’d be doing the same thing.” On not taking drastic action to correct global warming:

Not doing it will be catastrophic. We’ll be eight degrees hotter in ten, not ten but 30 or 40 years and basically none of the crops will grow. Most of the people will have died and the rest of us will be cannibals.

Jebus Christo on a popsickle stick. Turner has gone full bull-goose lunatic. Cannibals. Cannibals. I repeat, CANNIBALS. In 30 or 40 years. OK, Ted — I’m going to teach the grandkids how to cook up Red Ass.

Quick Poll: What’s Worse? A) Charlie Rose and PBS taping and airing this demented bastard, or b) the demented bastard and his lunatic, tissue-boxes-for-slippers, Hughes-worthy theories? Before you vote, remember that PBS gets some of your tax dollars. I think. Maybe they don’t anymore, so they’re just busy airing crackpots and hoping the Art Bell types tune in and pick up their bag o’ crap for a donation.

Just remember this, next time you see that something capital-I Important was aired on PBS or Charlie Rose. Remember that they had Ted “A Man In Full” Turner talking about cannibals and ‘basically, none of the crops will grow.’ Yeah, nobody would ever think of moving rice production up to Iowa. We’re going to be CANNIBALS.

ALT SUB-HED: Never trust the pencil-thin moustache. Sorry, you just shouldn’t spend that much time on your facial hair.

I just watched that little clip, and I think the guy’s higher than a kite.

Bolus: Texas Bound

BTW — I’ve got a pretty full dance card right now but if there’s enough interest maybe I can sneak in a quick tequila breakfast with Bolus and Iowahawk readers. BYOPB (bring your own paper bag)

I’d do this in a heartbeat, if I didn’t have a ton of work to do, just to bask unacknowledged in the warm glow of the glory of the Man Who Is The Funniest Man On The Tubes. Anything to not be here during the Final Four hoopla. Gawd, you wouldn’t believe the idiotic garbage going on around here.

Genetic link tied to smoking addiction - Yahoo! News

Scientists have pinpointed genetic variations that make people more likely to get hooked on cigarettes and more prone to develop lung cancer — a finding that could someday lead to screening tests and customized treatments for smokers trying to kick the habit.

The discovery by three separate teams of scientists makes the strongest case so far for the biological underpinnings of nicotine addiction and sheds more light on how genetics and lifestyle habits join forces to cause cancer.

Excellent. I get to blame these stinky Marlboros, juicy Copenhagen, and delicious 888 Churchills on my parents, too. See, it ain’t just me being a weak-willed pansy with a drinking lifestyle problem, I tells ya!

Yeah, I got all three in reach. Stupid Sir Walter Raleigh. Blessed St. Walter.