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You know, the part you throw in the trash with the classifieds and the circulars, whenever you buy a newspaper, if ever you buy a newspaper ever again before we either collapse into a black hole or run out of oil? Yeah, that section is now a big-whoop webbie thing for the technogeek crowd. Funny, but this sounds precisely the same as I’d expect it to sound if it was printed in the Daily Wipe.
Seriously, maybe this is wrong because of the whole third-wife-younger-woman thing, but I don’t care: I think you’re awesome. I can’t remember a cooler, prettier, or more badass first lady. I mean, you slept with Jagger. And Clapton. You read Yeats. You play the guitar. Nude pictures of you sell for a bazillion Euros (which is like double bazillion dollars). You recorded a Serge Gainsbourg tribute song that was actually well received. You speak three languages.The outfit you wore to meet the Queen this week? The one with the pillbox hat? The one that’s making everyone compare you to Jackie O? Brilliant. I also like your hair, makeup and skin. Keep on keepin on, Madame Sarkozy. I’m psyched for your new life. I’m especially excited to see what you’ll wear.
Except it costs nothing to ‘print’ that. I’m not saying anything here, except that precisely nothing has changed in 30 years of reading the papers. Except maybe for talking about S-E-X, but that’s the Cosmo effect. I bet they have good deals on cosmetics and knick-knacks available to you on your Bluetooth phone somewhere, ladies. Maybe some recipes, too.
And yeah, I still read the sports first, followed by business — I am a man, and I know what’s important. Metro shit, I ditched that long ago, since it was an endless procession of carjackings, arson, and White House Blue Ribbon kindergartens — Gus from The Wire. The front section is Pullet Surprise attempts by local yokels, and random crap grabbed from the wires. Come to think it, I haven’t bought a paper in many full moons.
He’s moralizing, he’s didactic, he’s searching for big answers to big questions. He’s generous and vulnerable and touchy. And he’s more and more dismayed by what he sees around him: “I have named the destroyers of nations: comfort, plenty, and security—out of which grow a bored and slothful cynicism.” You could say that by the end he had evolved into a kind of minor and irrelevant prophet, both disillusioned and irredeemably optimistic.
Yeah, well, I’m guessing that most of us go out that way, no? I’m no Steinbeck, not by a far stretch, and damn, that’s pretty much precisely the way I feel about myself.
That’s a pretty dang good look at the life of John Steinbeck, a man whose books still adorn my shelves (right now in cardboard boxes in the garage, but still, on shelves.) Much is explained by the Explainer, which these types all seem to be. Not that I don’t enjoy it, somewhat, but I also weary of the post-humous psychoanalytics. The worst part, though, is learning of the conjecture that the conversations in Travels With Charlie is wholly made up. Ach, I sure hope not.
Amid the current supply-and-demand dynamic, prices for hops have surged, even among the small brewers lucky enough to have secured multiyear hop contracts from distributors.
“We saw [price] shifts in some varieties of hops of as much as 300%” in the past year, Wolaver says.
Those less fortunate have to scrounge for hops at the spot price. Hop pellets at the end of 2007, one supplier in Yakima, Wash., says, had been selling for up to five times what they would go for in normal years.
Al Gore, you and a gajillion hippies and just as many not-2-brites, have much to answer for already, but this would be the final straw. A man can only take so much before he snaps, and you are now fucking with the very fabric of the universe.
Serendipity? Anyway, my pal Pauly hips me to The Avett Brothers earlier in the week. Friday night, I’m at a shindig, and a video from the Avetts pops up. I love this song mucho grande:
And it turns out they’re playing Dallas at the end of April (that’s as close as they’re getting.) I might have to make a rare schoolnight show. Just so I can say I saw ‘em, so as to impress absolutely nobody.
Google users in the United States will notice today that we “turned the lights out” on the Google.com homepage as a gesture to raise awareness of a worldwide energy conservation effort called Earth Hour.
I’m proud to say that I was bombing south on US 281 at 85mph between the hours of 8 & 9, except where I had to slow down for the towns, none of whom seemed to be observing Earth Hour, but then, we’re Texans and we love-a the oil-a. I even threw out a couple of beer cans on the side of the road, in the manner of Edward Abbey. Those community service clowns need something to pick up on the side of the road besides bottles of pee from the long-haul truckers. If I had been home, I would have turned on every stinking light that I own, too, and run the oven and the dishwasher and the dryer all at the same time, as a statement of the futility of such idiotic gestures as Earth Hour.
Here’s an idea…let’s just shut off the damn internet. Think how much money & energy that would save. Not to mention time. Frickiin’ hippies. Go knit a dreamcatcher by the starlight, and leave us capitalists alone.
Speaking of bombing south, this almost made me take a left to Waco when I heard it on the wireless…but since I was driving my prissy girly Lariat and not a bitchin’ Camaro or Randall “Pink” Floyd’s El Camino, I passed on.
Foghat & Blue Oyster Cult - Gates Open 6pm
Online Tickets Available $25.00
2008 CONCERT SERIES
Come out & enjoy Foghat & Blue Oyster Cult with John Epperson & Drivin’ Blind!!!
I wonder if Foghat and Blue Oyster Cult observed Earth Hour? Fuck, no, they didn’t…they had (have) the Marshalls cranked to 11, bitches. And I’m sure I couldn’t take that flogging, anyway…it’s better to imagine that I’d have had a rockiin’ good time.
Amazon’s (AMZN) MP3 store - which sells only songs without copy protection - has quietly become No. 2 in digital sales since opening nearly six months ago. That’s even though Apple (AAPL) dominates digital music with its iTunes Store (the second-largest music retailer in the world, after Wal-Mart) (WMT) and its hugely popular iPod.
[...]
Apple, which claims an 80% share of digital music sales, said consumers would be ecstatic about the EMI deal and that digital sales would greatly increase. CEO Steve Jobs predicted his iTunes catalog would be 50% DRM-free by the end of 2007. But that never happened.
I won’t spend a nickel at Bro. Jobs’ Musical Emporium. If I can’t order it from Amazon, I’ll buy it directly from the artist. Therefore, my music is my music. I get to do what I want with it. I know not everybody is as smart as me, but it still is amazing how much product that jackass moves.
On Wednesday, the company, whose cell phone business has been in a death spiral for several quarters, announced that after a two-month formal analysis, it has decided to split the company into two publicly traded entities.
One will handle handsets and accessories while the other will continue to concentrate on wireless broadband and enterprise communication products.
“Creating two industry-leading companies will provide improved flexibility, more tailored capital structures, and increased management focus–as well as more targeted investment opportunities for our shareholders,” CEO Greg Brown said in a release.
The Mobile Devices business will handle the designs, manufacturing, and sales of mobile handsets and accessories, and will license a portfolio of intellectual property. The Broadband & Mobility Solutions business will handle service voice and data communication solutions and wireless broadband networks for enterprises and governments. It will also handle IP video, cellular, and high-speed broadband network infrastructure, and cable set-top receivers.
No, wait…I actually do. One part of the company is going to design handbags for sale to rich ladies, and the other part is going to do things that make the world keep running.
The sad thing? The handbag people will probably get rich beyond their wildest dreams. Morlocks and Elois.
I am convinced that Obama is pursuing a sort of liberal radical chic acceptance. That this half-black Harvard grad has gone all Patty Hearst on us. That he deliberately chose the most distressed blackfolks in his ambit to align himself with their desperate hopes in a paternalistic way in order to develop the kind of credibility and ‘authenticity’ he believes that he needs as a politician.
Both he and Michelle are very clueless as to what their privileges in America mean, and the fact that they keep bringing up the “He could have had a Wall Street job but instead came to work in the projects” is their story and they’re sticking to it, like missionaries in the jungle trying to convince themselves of the righteousness of their mission. They expect to be respected as long suffering souls who have made their sacrifices for the most noble of causes, and believe me they want the rest of us to sacrifice too - they’re after that tax.
That’s it in a nutshell. Barry is naught but a poser. And he’s a Chicago pol, too, from the same cess gene pool that emerged the Daleys and their pack of hacks for decades. That might be good enough for Chicago, and it might work up there, but it flat don’t fly in the rest of the world.
And I still stand by my prediction - he’ll be our next president. America has become like young women and fashion– whatever’s different from last year. Long skirts, short skirts, lacy tops, starched tops, pointy shoes, flats. More Idiocracy.
I had a very good friend tell me that he wanted so badly to believe in Barry. Not in those words, but that’s the bottom line. I don’t blame him. We all want to believe in The Savior. He’s done been here once, though, and we don’t know when he’s coming back, and I’m willing to bet that this cat ain’t Him (though he does have a lot of self-willed Jesus in him, that’s for sure.) I urged my young friend, though, to look to the men who founded this unique institution we call America for advice on Savioring. Those guys thought long and hard about this, and wrote a lot of it down. It’s well and truly worth reading.
I swing back and forth between salvageable and un-salvageable. Bottom line, my natural hope & faith in the good and the great make me go for salvageable, because this is the last chance we’ll ever have. But good gravy, it’s a hard slog, and now my head hurts.
Just for giggles and some real-world work requirements, I decided to take a gander at the latest F-250s. Here’s what popped up on one of the sponsored links:
Does that kind of crap still work? It does, or YourTexasFord.com wouldn’t be spending major bucks at the Google Ad Shoppe. Still, as a man who fancies himself a bit of a web guru, I’m just surprised that these folks want all your personal identification before you get past that screen. Me, I’m going to click it about 100 times so they have to pay Google. They probably have that figured out by now, but just in case they don’t, they’ll hopefully get the message that it doesn’t hurt, and might actually help, to have the customers look over the inventory without a passport.
The bottom line is that I’ll probably just go find a good-enough used one. I’m tired of paying new prices. This last F-150 turned me off…that prissy little Lariat is a girl’s truck with zero added value, and I’ll never get the full trade-in. Not only do I need the bigger payload and towing capacities, but I want a diesel that’ll last a few hundred thousand miles, and screw the fuel costs. They’re almost assuredly just as computered-up as the gas counterparts, but I love that iron.
JACKSONVILLE, Ore. — A pair of hoax ads on Craigslist cost an Oregon man much of what he owned.
The ads popped up Saturday afternoon, saying the owner of a Jacksonville home was forced to leave the area suddenly and his belongings, including a horse, were free for the taking, said Jackson County sheriff’s Detective Sgt. Colin Fagan.
But Robert Salisbury had no plans to leave. The independent contractor was at Emigrant Lake when he got a call from a woman who had stopped by his house to claim his horse.
On his way home he stopped a truck loaded down with his work ladders, lawn mower and weed eater.
“I informed them I was the owner, but they refused to give the stuff back,” Salisbury said. “They showed me the Craigslist printout and told me they had the right to do what they did.”
The driver sped away after rebuking Salisbury. On his way home he spotted other cars filled with his belongings.
Once home he was greeted by close to 30 people rummaging through his barn and front porch.
This is a regression into lunacy that I could not have predicted. It’s Idiocracy. I hope Salisbury finds the maggot who posted that and beats the ever-loving crap out of him with a tire iron. I hope the morons who were taking stuff out of the house feel appropriately foolish, but I suspect many of them actually do feel like they are owed whatever they stole from the guy.
Now, with this kind of idiocy there on the front pages, how long before the next one of these surf-by lootings happen? And, I ask with all seriousness, what would happen if Mr. Salisbury had been home and started shooting the thiefs? Because I can see that happening, very easily.
This week’s lesson is on taking time off from your business, and I am doing just that by going on a whale watching trip in Maui, Hawaii, with the Pacific Whale Foundation.
Thanks for the great advice. I’m off to Hawaii, yall.
I really can’t remember the last time I took off a full shut-down week. That’s severely unhealthy, I know. I’d end up screwing something up physically by trying to play too much golf or drinking like a fish. I don’t think I’d go watch no dumb whales, though.
They’re dead serious about that one whole tip per week, too. Prep your feed reader for the deluge.
A gun belonging to the pilot of a US Airways plane went off as the aircraft was on approach to land in North Carolina over the weekend, the first time a weapon issued under a federal program to arm pilots was fired, authorities said Monday.
The “accidental discharge” Saturday aboard Flight 1536 from Denver to Charlotte did not endanger the aircraft or the 124 passengers, two pilots and three flight attendants aboard, said Greg Alter of the Federal Air Marshal Service.
“We know that there was never any danger to the aircraft or to the occupants on board,” Alter said.
The first thought I have is, why is it always USAir?
The second thought is, there is no such thing as an accidental discharge.
The third thought is, what kind of pussy caliber was he carrying?
The final thought is — pics of the stews MUST be published, because I know in my heart that this dick was showing off for a hot one.
But still, nothing sharper than a fingernail clipper for Jack Paying Customer.
Bonus extra thought: I thought all planes crumpled up like a Lone Star Light can as soon as the first grain of powder burned.
