Healthy Lifestyle Overrated
Posted by TFG on December 5th, 2007
In the last two months, I have:
- Reduced my Marlboro consumption by 80%
- Incorporated a 45-60 minute walk into my daily routine
- Quit playing all-night poker games, whether live or online
- Reduced my alcohol consumption by 90%
- Added a daily green salad to my diet
- Increased my sleeping time per night by 30-50%
- Lost 20 pounds and a pants size
As a result, I
- Have a continuous head-cold with stuffy, runny nose
- Have another damned blood pressure pill to take
- Am sleepy and unfocused from 3pm till I fall into bed sometime between 10 and 11pm
- Have lost the feeling in my right hand, except for the tingling in my fingers and intense shooting pains from my wrist up to my elbow (makes it fun to shave every morning — nothing like a 4 razor-blades on your neck held by an insensate appendage)
- Experience random but short-lived headaches right behind my eyeballs
In short, I feel like hammered whale shit. I’m going back to the three-packs-a-day, Whataburger triple-triple at 4:30am on top of a belly of beer after a night of tight-strong hardball pokerin’ if this crap don’t stop soon.
December 6th, 2007 at 8:23 am
Salad?
Say it ain’t so, bro.
Say it ain’t so.
Yours in fatness,
Fatty
December 6th, 2007 at 10:18 am
Damn, I didn’t smoke to begin with, but otherwise this is all eerily familiar… which reminds me of one of my favorite bumper stickers:
Eat right, exercise, die anyway.
December 6th, 2007 at 9:36 pm
Whatever you do, if you drink a lot of coffee, and suddenly decide you want to to the “induction” part of the Atkins diet, don’t suddenly quit consuming caffeine altogether. Every time I try this, I get almost debilitating headaches after two or three days, and the caffeine-cessation is the only reason I can think this would happen.
That burger sounds mighty good right now, but as my nearest Whataburger is over two hours away in Oklahoma, I’ll have to settle for Burger King.
The R Man
December 6th, 2007 at 10:57 pm
Hold Fast
December 9th, 2007 at 11:08 am
You know buck they say for every pant size you loose you gain a inch of pecker. So what’s it going be double meat or double he?
December 9th, 2007 at 1:12 pm
Having dropped two pant sizes this year, I can assure you that it’s a crock.
December 10th, 2007 at 12:38 am
When you say “pant size,” is that a 2″ reduction in waist size, or what? I’d always heard it was for every 30 pounds one lost, one gained an inch somewhere else.
While it’d be kinda impressive to achieve the combination of concentration-camp build and John Holmes-like endowment, I, for one, am afraid I like my food way too much to try it.
The R Man
December 10th, 2007 at 1:08 pm
This is another sign of the end times.
December 10th, 2007 at 9:26 pm
I reasoned that waist sizes tend to be even numbers, and I went down by two of them, which is a four-inch reduction.
The rule of thumb I heard was 35 lb per inch, which suggested to me that I should run out and lose 210 lb.
December 10th, 2007 at 10:13 pm
If I lost 210 pounds, I would disappear.
December 11th, 2007 at 8:07 pm
As would most of us - but oh, what peeners we’d have.
December 12th, 2007 at 7:48 am
I think it means that when your gut srinks you see a ince more per pants size
December 13th, 2007 at 6:34 pm
Looks like you’ve given up blogging as well…
December 14th, 2007 at 8:51 am
yea what’s the deal. You too busy watching Richard Simmons to say anything