This shall not stand
Posted by TFG on February 24th, 2006
The Mayonnazers have frightened that nice lady in Florida, apparently by threatening her dogs. Now, I am fairly tolerant of all spreads, including the ghastly purple Russian and the darn tasty Brockle’s, my father’s favorite. I will even tolerate that French crap (mayo), in recipes, if I can see a point to it (pretty, pretty, pretty rare.) All I really ask is the same of the ‘nazers. I’m not asking them to bend a knee to the king of sandwich spreads. Just peace and quiet with my saintly Miracle Whip.
But that’s not good enough for them. No, they have to threaten man’s, and a nice lady’s, best friend. Shameful. Just downright shameful. And sorrier than hell. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
By the way, Bill (if that’s your real name), that Plutonium-239 came in pretty handy back in 1945. Do you somehow regret it’s invention and subsequent use? What kind of American are you, anyway? Or are you an American, really? Maybe that name of yours is actually Billovich. So, what do you think of the Nationals winning the pennant last year, hmmm?
February 25th, 2006 at 11:20 am
I always suspected the INDC was a fifth column for the cheese-eating surrender monkeys and now i have proof. What kind of American attacks MW and threatens dogs? An un-American, that’s who.
For the record, I’m a moderate 100% American since i use mayo to make blue cheese dressing. But everyone one knows that a sandwich requires Miracle Whip.
February 25th, 2006 at 1:36 pm
Both mayonnaise and Miracle Whip are instruments of the devil. However, with the addition of certain ingredients, mayonnaise makes lovely condiments like remoulade and aioli sauce, so I give it a pass.
February 25th, 2006 at 3:27 pm
What the heck do you put on a sandwich, Andrea? Mustard? That’s for cheeseburgers and hot/corny dogs.
February 26th, 2006 at 12:27 am
Put? On sandwiches? Only fiends “put” slimy substances on their sandwiches.
Well okay. Sometimes I’ll put a little dijon mustard on a ham and cheese sandwich. Yeah, I said it — DIJON mustard. I like the taste. So sue me.
February 26th, 2006 at 12:50 am
Bah. Fie.
Here’s the deal, and maybe where I’m missing out — not only is it the taste of Miracle Whip (which is delightfully heavenly, to be sure), but we must consider the moisturizing properties of the spread. There’s simply not enough moisture, even (I’m quite sure) in this dijon format you’ve found, to make it worth the effort. At best, on a full-fledged American sammich, mustard is a secondary condiment used to impart a little extra sumpin’ sumpin’. I’m down widdat.
What I’m not down with is this hatred of the sainted Miracle Whip. Or the heathenly elevation of leftover lemony scrambled egg whites they call mayo.
February 26th, 2006 at 12:52 am
Ugh — I just realized you said that you usually eat sammiches dry. I’m choking in sympathy. A nice tall cold glass of milk to go with it, at least?
February 26th, 2006 at 10:23 am
Hot tea or a soda. I’m not much of a milk drinker.
February 26th, 2006 at 10:24 am
I just don’t like soggy bread. It’s a phobia of mine.
February 26th, 2006 at 12:29 pm
You need sturdier bread…