So, if you’re in North or Central Texas, and you’re hankering to get your kayak on, go see my man, Eric.

And you can keep your comments about the 1997 tabled-up design and Drunken Jackass-Photoshop to yourself, thankyouverymuch.

I defrosted two largish chicken breasts from the same Fresh Direct bulk frozen chicken breast bag. Bagged and frozen separately, but on the same day. Simultaneously defrosted for 1:40 in the microwave on the “defrost boneless poultry” cycle. Both brined for approximately 20 minutes in a 2:1 brine of iodized table salt and sugar. Food safe temperatures maintained throughout. Chicken pieces dredged in all-purpose flour, salt, and ground black pepper. Sauteed in a preheated pan with olive oil for >5 minutes per side (these are large pieces).

So, why did the one on the left exude >3 tablespoons of opaque whitish fluid while its partner exuded nothing? (No dirty jokes, please, this is a serious question!) I’m going to assume that the exuding one is safe to eat because I’ve cooked it to a safe temperature, according to my digital thermometer. Am I being foolhardy?

There’s a “defrost boneless poultry” cycle? “Food safe temperatures”?

I bought a rack of pork ribs at the store, and left them on the front seat of the truck for 30 minutes while I took a phone call, then I brought them in. They sat on the counter for another 2 hours, after which I rubbed them up, wrapped them up, and put them in the fridge (oh, I washed them off, too.) I’m going to smoke them tomorrow for 6-8 hours at roughly 200-220°. I won’t be checking for the volume of exudings. There’s only one rack, so you hogs stay away.

Who knew this was a question that plagued?

How much gas does a cow emit? [snip]

But before he explains how it works, Mitloehner wants one thing to be clear. “We’re not talking about flatulence,” he says. He emphasizes the point because his research has been dismissed as “fart science,” a label he says doesn’t do justice to the seriousness of his work.

OK, then…it’s “fart and burp science”, Dr. Touchy. Either that, or we’re going to learn quickly that cows are radiating gasses through their skin, and layman that I am, I would think that someone would have noticed that before now. And besides, what the heck’s wrong with fart science? It is, after all, plaguing us.*

Thanks, Mr. Bennett, for the Cow Post of the Week.

* Maybe that’s a new post hook for the lamest blogger in the universe — “questions that plague” something or somebody. Seems there’s always one somewhere, and we need to keep up with them.