Why I’ll Never Hate Jimmy Buffett That Much
Posted by TFG on August 26th, 2004
Mmmmm, burger talk. Apparently, the hamburger is 100 years old this year.
The good Lord is the only one who knows the number of cheeseburgers I’ve eaten in my life, and I think there’s no question that I will continue to wolf them down at the rate of four or five a week. I’ve made my peace with Dr. Atkins on this subject, too. About half the time, I’ll take the big top bun off and eat it with a knife and fork. Sometimes, though, I just can’t resist them the way God meant for them to be, and off I go.
My current favorite burger list:
- The Burger House: double-double, old-fashinoned (mustard, onion, pickles) and their famous seasoning. Utilizes the thin patty. I probably should force them into the triple-triple territory.
- TNT Sports Page Cajun Burger: your standard cheeseburger, but with a healthy dose of cajun spices (I suspect Tony Chacaret’s), a thick slice of provolone, and a piece of Canadian bacon (or back bacon, if you prefer). Thick-ish patty — go for the double.
- Debbie’s in Glen Rose: a ten-napkin burger, utilizing the thin patty. Great because they’re too hot to eat when they’re served; you’ll burn your tongue. Great use of the fresh, white onion, too.
- Purdy’s: soon to drop off the list — some Chinese folks bought the place, remodeled the interior, put in a damn teevee, but worst of all, they’re skimping on the patties and serving hard old buns. Plus, the melted cheese for your french fries now comes out of a pump, like a common 7-11. I fear it’s a sad end to what has been a long-time favorite great burger joint. They get one more shot from me. Thick patty place.
The Fast-Food Burger List:
- The Whataburger, triple-triple, no lettuce, no tomato, with jalapenos
- The Sonic: Super-Sonic jalapeno burger, tater tots with chili and cheese
- McDonald’s $1 double cheeseburger: excellent driving food, and a hell of a deal at eight bits (three at a time, of course.)
- DQ Belt-Buster, with jalapenos: always a classic
- Jack-in-the-Box: that really basic Ultimate Cheeseburger, except you have to tell them No Damn Mayo, Mustard, and throw some pickles and onions on there. I never understood the idea of selling a burger with mayo on it as the starting point. Gag.
- Wendy’s Classic Triple: only in times of deep stress, since they don’t toast their buns, but instead steam them to a soggy mess. That’s if they don’t just pull them out of the plastic bag and throw your dinner on it, untreated.
- Burger King: shut your mouth; not in a million years — I’d rather scrape mold off something in the refrigerator and nuke it, or go to bed hungry. I’ve never gotten the correct order from these idiots — I ask for a double Mustard Whopper, and I end up with fish sticks or a caramel sundae or both in one dish. Their fries and onion rings are stamped out somewhere in Soviet Russia, too. Horrid, just horrid.
Honorable Mention Burgers:
- The In-n-Out: one day, they’ll bring it to Texas, the home of the beef, and there will be a massive ground war here. They’re that good.
- Here’Tis: my granddad’s hamburger joint. Put my uncle through doctor college, kept another one in a job till he went into condiments, was my first job ever in my life (talk about cheap labor.) If I had a lick of sense, I would have asked him to keep one of them open long enough for me to take it over.
- A little shack outside of Manhattan Beach, in Playa Del Rey, CA that served a devilish cheeseburger with a split hot-link on top. You need a beach towel to eat it, but it’s heavenly. I drove two hours to get one of these last I was in the general vicinity…wish I could remember the name…it was awesome. I could drive there right now, if it hasn’t been shut down by the health nazis.
NAME UPDATE: I wasn’t too far off. It’s The Shack…duh. And the burger is the world-renowned ShackBurger. Muchos gracias to Functional Ambivalent for telling me what I forgot. He’s got picture links, too. Mmmmm. BTW, I could have been one of those mustachioed, shirt-n-tied dudes in one of the pictures quite easily. We used to hike over from American Medical to dine on the Shackburger. I think it’s the first place I ever tucked a napkin into my collar to eat something.
Oh, and Jimmy Buffett: Cheeseburger in Paradise, of course. Only song I know of that can make my mouth water. He’s goofy with that Heinz 57 stuff, but that ain’t the point.
August 26th, 2004 at 11:10 pm
You should try Carl’s Jr., if you haven’t. I visited one on a trip to scenic Anaheim, CA and have been addicted ever since.
The problem? There isn’t one in Houston. Oh, they have one in *Lubbock*, but not Houston, a city where people eat out more often than they go to the bathroom.
And I’m also partial to White Castle. Must be my Midwestern blood.
August 27th, 2004 at 12:32 am
Mmmmmmm. White Castles are good on occasion-the Springfield News-Leader had a recipe to make your own (which may be at http://www.news-leader.com or I can forward it to y’all) which is pretty authentic-seems like you blend dry onion soup mix, Miracle Whip, and beef together and then cook in an oven on dinner rolls. Carl’s Jr…..I ate there in California over ten years ago, loved it, but I thought they’d merged their burger operations with Hardee’s so CJ burgers were now, in essence, the same burgers you get at Hardee’s-I think this occurred in about 1998, for what it’s worth, and while Hardee’s still lists a Rocky Mount, North Carolina address, the Carl’s Junior/Hardees HQ would appear to be on the South Outer Road (south of I-70) in Saint Peters, Missouri, just east of Long John Silver’s-I used to live just south of there. I’ve never eaten at In N Out, but I know Kevin, (www.publiustx.net ) my old college buddy, loves ‘em and he has good taste in such things. I got a recipe for their Double Double from http://www.topsecretrecipes.com, made it, and oh Momma, is it delicious.
Apropos of nothing, it does seem odd, Mister Chaffin, that women like the gymnasts on TV, though I don’t know if the diaper and tampon ads add to their pleasure in doing so. I could use more Pontiac GTO, Dodge Magnum, Pabst Blue Ribbon, and firearms ads on the Olympics, but I don’t know how to make that happen.
The R Man
August 27th, 2004 at 12:35 am
With regards to “Cheeseburger in Paradise,” I concur. I don’t quite have the words memorized, but that’s one of his better efforts, and if not on his “Songs You Know By Heart” album, it should be. I think Janie Fricke sang backup on that song, before she jumped into country music in the middle of the “disco country” era of the early ’80s.
The R Man
August 27th, 2004 at 3:51 am
As a fellow Texan I must recommend Big Daddy’s in Waco. Just on the East side of the Baylor campus. MMMM….MMMM all the grease a proper burger should have and about 6 inches thick with all the fixins. Try it next time you get down there.
August 27th, 2004 at 7:22 am
Dang — I forgot the Health Camp in Waco on the Circle. Way better than the Elite. I never missed a stop on my drives to Austin. Hope they’re still there. I’ll defninitely check out Big Daddy’s.
August 27th, 2004 at 11:10 am
In-N-Out - Gotta try the Double-Double with onions. The fries are a little different than the solid potato feel of other fast food joints, but with proper seasoning (read ketchup), they make a fine dining experience.
Carl’s Jr - Forget that six-dollar burger crap, try the SuperStar with cheese. Now that’s a heart attack waiting to happen…
Steve’s - If you’re ever in SoCal, try a greasy spoon diner called Steve’s and get a double cheeseburger and chili-cheese fries with onions. You can also use their tacos to lube your entire fleet of cars, and you’ll run out of Glade in the bathroom later, but it’ll be worth it.
August 27th, 2004 at 1:01 pm
Medium Rare
After reading Scott’s ode to burgers I was overwhelmed with a craving for a huge, juicy cheeseburger. I convinced a couple of my co-workers to forgo the typical cafeteria quicky and come w…
August 27th, 2004 at 1:40 pm
I love In-n-Out. Anytime I go to California, I set aside two hours to find one and eat. That’s why I think if they can transplant to Texas, they’ll have a HUGE market.
August 27th, 2004 at 2:07 pm
Austin has a few good spots: Crown & Anchor, Sandy’s, Hut’s, Dirty’s, and I hear good things about Mike’s Pub and Casino el Camino.
My hometown, Temple, used to have this great place called Charcoal Drive-In. A big burger, tots and frosty root beer were a staple for me in high school.
The fast food list begins and ends with Whataburger, though my proximity to a McD’s leads to occasional double cheeseburger consumption.
August 27th, 2004 at 3:05 pm
Fuddrucker’s.
August 27th, 2004 at 4:18 pm
Shackburger Veterans for Truth
Turns out, The Fat Guy is a Shackburger vet. That’s probably how he became a fat guy. Here’s the Fat Guy’s take on where to find great hamburgers. (It’s a continuation of this largely unread posting.) As an extra special
August 27th, 2004 at 7:20 pm
Scott, this had drove me back to blogging. I’m going to have to write something up about my love of the burger. That big daddy’s place is greeeeeeat. I worked there for period of time greater than three months and less than a year. You left off Fred’s in FTW, but that’s probably because you haven’t been there.
BW
August 28th, 2004 at 8:30 pm
Dairy Queen…gross…I worked there…gross….
August 29th, 2004 at 9:55 am
The name you couldn’t remember is…drum roll please….Fatburger!!! I think it was on Centinela. The best one at 2am was the Fatburger with an egg on it. http://www.fatburger.com .
August 29th, 2004 at 11:35 am
No, it was The Shack that I could vaguely remember. Fatburger is one that I completely spaced. Probably because I was surrounded by so damn many drunks all the time.
August 29th, 2004 at 2:13 pm
Being from the Big D area, you should also include the Double Meat Double Cheese burger from Burger Street. One of the greatest fast food burgers around.
I was talking to a guy who worked there, and like In-and-Out, they don’t freeze any of their products. It’s just refrigerated. That’s why you will notice that all of their stops are in the DFW area and Tulsa.
August 29th, 2004 at 6:19 pm
Steak and Shake beats them all. One day they will come to Austin, and all will be right in the world.
August 29th, 2004 at 6:48 pm
Scott, I had no idea your grandaddy was the man behind the late, lamented, and legendary Here’Tis. When I lived in Dallas as a child (1957-1962) the only hamburgers we ever had in our family came from Here’Tis. Not Goff’s, not Keller’s, not the Prince of Hamburgers, not Jaime’s. My late father would bring ‘em home by the sackfull. Outstanding! Just the other day I was telling my beloved wife that what I really wanted was a Here’Tis hamburger. Your grandfather, sir, was a steely-eyed missle man.
Incidentally, any list of great burgers in our area must include the Point Burger at Bailey’s 1st and Ten. Oh, and Dirty Martin’s in Austin.
August 29th, 2004 at 9:57 pm
I enjoyed a double-double whataburger with bacon and jalepenos this weekend. Damned thing cost me $8, and you know why?
It was worth it.
Oh, and this one is obligatory: “The In-and-Out Burger is on Camrose.”
August 30th, 2004 at 2:19 pm
The standard for best burgers should include: Can you eat it with one hand and have it stay together (so you can reach for the fries/beer/soda/shake with the other hand). Dirty’s in Austin gets 5 stars out of 5 (Try the OT Special, named after their old cook, OT)