I need to post, I guess, and I can’t resist this ancient email joke, from the Barndog.

> Mattel recently announced the release of limited-edition Barbie dolls
> for the DFW Metroplex market:
>
> Plano Barbie
>
> This princess Barbie is only sold at Willowbend Mall. She comes with
> an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired
> foreign lapdog named Honey, and a cookie-cutter dream house with a
> saguaro cactus in front. Available with or without tummy tuck and face
> lift. Workaholic ex-husband Ken comes with a Porsche.
>
> Richardson Barbie
>
> This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar
> minivan and matching gym suit. She gets lost easily and has no
> full-time occupation or secondary education. Traffic-jamming cell
> phone sold separately. Can swear in English, Spanish or Chinese.
> Available at Target.
>
> Oak Cliff Barbie
>
> This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, bowie knife, a
> '78 El Camino with dark tinted windows, and a meth lab kit. This model
> is only available after dark and can only be bought with cash,
> preferably small bills, unless you are a cop, then we don't know what
> you are talking about.
>
> Park Cities Barbie
>
> This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer
> H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card set, and country
> club membership. Also available are Shallow Ken and Spanish-speaking
> Nanny. University Park Barbie hasn't been affordable since the early
> 80's.
>
> Mesquite Barbie
>
> This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too
> small, a classic Metallica shirt, and Tweety Bird tattoo on her
> shoulder. Wants to major in NASCAR at Eastfield College. She has a
> six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit
> over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's ass when she is drunk.
> Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper
> sticker absolutely free. Available at Ross or at special locations in
> Canton on First Mondays.
>
> Garland Barbie
>
> This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own
> high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased
> Beer-Gut Ken out of Mesquite Barbie's (discontinued) house. Her
> ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails,
> strawberry lip gloss, and a see-through halter top. Comes with
> Barbie's dream doublewide trailer. Available at Wal-Mart. Cheap.
>
> North Dallas Barbie
>
> This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears leopard print
> spandex and drinks cosmopolitans to new age music with friends at the
> lodge. Into crystals. Comes with Percocet prescription and botox. Also
> cheap.
>
> Grand Prairie Barbie
>
> This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional
> accessories include a G.E.D. and bus pass to UTA. Gangsta Ken and his
> '79 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the
> addition of the infant.
>
> Denton Barbie
>
> This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair,
> archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and Birkenstocks with white
> socks. She prefers that you call her "Willow." She does not want or
> need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Austin Barbies and the
> optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag sticker free.
>
> McKinney Barbie
>
> Is pregnant, drives a new Ford Excursion, and is perfect in every way.
> We don't know who Ken is cause he's always away hunting or in Japan on
> business. McKinney Barbie aspires to become Plano Barbie. Not cheap,
> but still very naive.
>
> College Station Barbie
>
> Into football, animals and bonfires. 98% belong to a cult, 2% are free
> thinking and void of any additions. Does nothing but complain about
> Austin Barbie.
>
>
> Austin Barbie/Ken
>
> This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by
> simply adding or subtracting the snap-on parts. Likes to
> "experiment". Doesn't understand why College Station Barbie complains
> so much.

Presented without comment, except to say that Mesquite Barbie RAWKS!!!11!1